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June 2, 2021

Hindrances to a Good Marriage

Some of the most common causes of conflict in marriage are dysfunctional patterns that disrupt harmony and rob the possibility of quality time; here are a few of them.

Anxiety: A disruption of thoughts that spiral out-of-control causing you to believe you are in a life-threatening situation when you are not. It leaves you with feelings of doom, crippling you emotionally. It robs you of your ability to interact with others. Help from anxiety comes in changing your patterns of thinking (Phil 4:4-9).

Resentment: When you get hurt and allow bitterness to fester, it prevents you from having good interaction with your husband or wife. If you have been hurt, then work on it, but don’t bury it and think it will go away by itself. It will not (Eph 4:32)!

Immaturity: This pattern can ruin a marriage—immature reactions, immature decisions that cause toxic patterns to form. The cure for immaturity is growing up and learning to seek closeness, intimacy, and passion in our marriages, but it requires hard work (Eph 4:15).

Manipulation: It is going around the person to get what you want without being completely honest. It is harmful, and it hurts marriages. The cure is to seek to be completely real (Eph 4:22-24)!

Blame: This habit deflects your mistakes onto someone else because you are unwilling to take responsibility for them. Blaming your wife or your husband for your shortcomings not only wrecks the marriage but is like trying to go forward while dragging a ton of baggage (Luke 6:42).

Lack of Acceptance: Not accepting your wife or your husband as they are, prevents them from being who they were meant to be. Accepting her personality, views, and opinions enable her to blossom and stop trying to please you (Eph 5:21-33).

Anger: This is one of the most misused emotions. It is used to manipulate people. Anger is an emotion that should serve us by helping us identify a problem and find a solution.  First, we have to consider — is there something wrong and what is it, and how can I effectively respond to it without letting my anger control me (Eph 4:26)?

Delayed Gratification: This might be one of the nastiest habits hindering so many marriages. It says, “I want what I want right now.” It is the inability to see past now. It is too rigid and inflexible to assess your spouse’s needs, only putting your needs first (Isa 40:28-31).

Lack of Accountability: It’s only when we are willing to be entirely accountable for our words, actions, and mistakes that we can build an intimate relationship with our wives and husbands (Eph 4:21).

Avoidance: This is the person who says yes to everything even when they should say no because they are afraid of conflict. However, their avoidance of conflict actually causes more conflict (Prov 24:26).

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