A Compelling Life

In my years of working with families, it’s not hard to detect the influence of a father, good or bad, in people’s lives. The presence of a loving father shapes a child’s life in constructive ways that are incredible. A father’s absence leaves a hole that is difficult to fill. I have noticed fear, abandonment, and anger, for example, and have asked about their relationship with their father only to find out there wasn’t any relationship.

My dad made a deep impression on my early life. He taught us to work and the discipline to make our bodies do what they did not want to do. I can remember my father’s voice waking my brother and me up while it was still dark to go to work. It would be a blessing all through life.

My dad included us in his work and life. I remember going in the truck with my dad from the age of two or three. He made long trips hauling gravel to the drilling crews for deep water wells for irrigation. That was before car seats. I used to stand beside my dad in the truck, and when I wanted to sit, he let me sit on a wooden box so I could see. I can remember the smells of the truck, grease, dirt, and smells from the engine. And if I got too tired, I had everything I needed to sack out on the seat with my head near my dad.

I grew up feeling very secure and valued by my mother and father. I certainly felt very safe in my father’s presence. My dad was fun to be with, even if we were working. He was very affirming and encouraging. When we were small, my dad clarified the boundaries, and we knew the consequences of violating them. Most of all, my dad passed on to me his faith: his actions, as much as his words, were most influential.

The Apostle Peter later in his life gave fathers some excellent advice (1 Pet 5:2-7). He tells us to be servants, not lording it over our families, not greedy, but eager to serve in humility—this is a description of a father who will impact those little lives in incredible ways.

What matters as a father is that we stay clear of sin and overcome any bad habits. If we don’t, we will mess up our lives and the entire family. Peter describes a man willing to own his mistakes and show grace to his family. I had that kind of father, and his influence still lives in my life today even though he is gone.