A Marriage Triangle

Marriage was meant to be an unbroken circle, but when it is broken, it can become a triangle. The intimacy of marriage is compromised when one partner brings in a child and divulges secrets belonging only to the couple. Besides the harm done to the child—it diminishes the bond between the spouses. Then there are those emotional affairs where one spouse shares intimate conversations about his or her marriage with someone else. This too is a triangle, and it is harmful and deadly. It will destroy a marriage in short order.

In Genesis chapter 16, there is a marriage triangle with Abram, Sarai, and Hagar. This story vividly highlights the emotions of rejection, anger, jealousy, loneliness, which results in deep hurt for all the parties. This story is real life stuff. It is what happens in marriages and families today with frequency.

After Sarai and Abram had been waiting for the promise of a son for ten years, Sarai grew impatient. She was overcome with fear—fearing she would be barren her whole life. To be barren in Biblical times was considered a horrible tragedy. Sarai blamed herself and God for her condition. Her humiliation was unbearable. She consequently, decided to use her servant girl Hagar as a surrogate mother (Gen 16:1-16). Sarai’s solution was justifiable and acceptable in the culture of the day, but not to God.

I have watched the story of the Three Little Pigs at least 500 times with my little grandchildren. When the wolf climbs up on the roof and decides to enter the brick house through the chimney since he cannot get in the house—I say, “Bad idea Mr. Wolf!” This is a bad idea, Sarai from the start.

Today it has become culturally acceptable for young people to be sexually active before marriage. Our culture says yes, but God’s Word says no. Why is that? Does God want to deprive young people of pleasure and enjoyment? No, it is because young people are not mature enough to handle the emotional fall out of being intimately connected and do not know how to stay connected. Consequently, they go from one relationship to another, and many young people fall into depression and anxiety, unable to handle the feelings of rejection.

Sarai’s choice was wrong because it went against everything and everyone. It robbed her of her intimacy with her husband and introduced even more shame into her life. Her attempt to help God out only brought more pain to her and her family. Abram, however, abdicated his leadership as a godly husband when he accepted the offer. God had spoken to him on several occasions and confirmed his promise to him. He could have assured Sarai that God will come through if we remain patient, but he did not do this. Instead, he was passive, and he contributed to the dysfunction that only grew worse with time.

If you are contemplating how you could expedite your happiness and fulfill your own dreams. It seems God has forgotten you, and therefore, you will have to take matters into your own hands. Think before you act and do not abandon God’s promises—wait for them. If you act out of a deficit of faith, you will live to regret it all your life. Sin has far-reaching consequences.

If you are married, nothing is more sacred than the bond that exists between the two of you. Always keep your promises to each other. Always apologize and own your mistakes and reclaim quickly any ground that is lost to bad decisions. Always protect the bond between you and make sure it remains an unbroken circle. Always guard against any intruders who would make your relationship a triangle.