Making and Keeping Friends

Relationships are the source of satisfaction and fulfillment in life. God made us be connected to him and others. There are, however, many ways those connections break down, and when that happens, we cease to enjoy life. Isolation is the result of broken relationships. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. Lonely people crave human contact, but they push people away.

There are principles in John 15 that teach us how to have friends. Nothing in the body of Christ is as important as how we treat each other. What does it matter if our worship is impressive and our services are compelling if our relationships are weak and shallow? The cause of most church problems arises from poor relationships in the church community. This is an area where most churches do poorly.

We bring our dysfunctional ways of relating to each other from home to the church. If someone hurts us, we hold grudges. If we are offended easily, we sideline that person. We expect kindness and friendship to come our way but are often reluctant to give them to others.

The Principle of Sacrifice: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:12-13). Friendship grows out of sacrifice. True friendship grows out of a sacrificial spirit of generosity.

The Principle of Common Interest: “You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:14-15).

Jesus’ words suggest a shared interest because friends have the same outlook. Close friends agree in their hearts. We all need close friends who can share our thoughts and encourage us. We need the healing that often comes when we reveal our feelings to another without fear that our confidence will be broken. There is too often loneliness of the soul in the body of Christ.

The Principle of Promotion: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you” (John 15:16). Jesus’ desire to help his friends succeed is evident: “I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit.” Friends rejoice in each other’s successes.

Have you noticed that some people love others so much that they are constantly building them up? They encourage, inspire and connect. You are drawn to them. Others begin the conversation about their troubles and woes, and the whole talk dives into pessimism. Which person are you? Many people in the body of Christ have never reached their potential because no one ever encouraged them. Others would reach heights if only someone said, “You know, you have been on my heart, and I am praying for you. To experience love in your family relationships and with fellow believers is the core evidence that we belong to Christ.