The Pain of Infidelity

Today emotional affairs are rampant. The marriage hits a rough spot, so one of the spouses begins to share through social media or at work with a very understanding co-worker. It feels so good to have someone listen to your story. The emotional affair is justified with irrational thinking, “This person really gets me; they understand what I am going through.” All the while, these conversations are kept secret.

Solomon said, “But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself” (Prov 6:32). He asked why a man would become obsessed with another man’s wife when “your ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all your paths (Prov 5:22).

What starts out feeling so good turns sour when all is exposed, and the emotional pain is excruciating. Couples get bogged down with conflict, and they stop talking to each other; they ignore one another and they stop caring. That’s when they look for someone else—just to talk, someone who will listen. “Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!” (Prov 9:17).

Infidelity is the betrayal of trust and the breaking of the marriage vows. Trust is the bedrock of the relationship. Everything is built on it. Infidelity erodes trust in the way salt eats concrete. Infidelity breaks the promises made—promises meant to last a lifetime. Confidence lost is not easy to regain. Just ask the couples who recover from infidelity and the those who did recover but how much they still struggle with lack of trust.

Infidelity is the sharing of intimate conversations with an outsider. Marriage is a committed relationship where intimacy can be achieved. It is what couples long for and enjoy. Infidelity takes that intimacy and throws it to the wind. Later there will be much regret and heartache.

The pain I have seen from infidelity is challenging to describe. The lie that this will be so wonderful is turned on its head. It is an utter pain for both—even the one who ate the stolen fruit in secret.

Marriages are destroyed, and kids’ lives are messed up big time.

Protect your marriage by staying away from anyone who could compromise your most precious possession. I tell couples never to engage with anyone in an intimate conversation except their wife or husband. Never say anything negative about your spouse to anyone, especially your kids.